There is no greater joy than watching your children grow and learn, especially when you are the one teaching them. Being a stay at home mom is indeed rewarding, exciting, exhilarating, gratifying and precious. However, it can also be exhausting, stressful, busy, lonely and financially difficult. Consider these points to help you make your decision:
Finances- Living from only one income is often the biggest tie-breaker when making this decision. Keep in mind that it doesn't have to be. Many at home parents find a happy medium supplementing with part time or work from home jobs. This helps to offset the stress of drastically reducing your family's income. In most cases, living on a reduced income means that sacrifices are in short order.
What expenses are you willing to cut back on in order to make your goal a reality, like:
Family vacations
Eating at home vs. eating out
Cable TV
Cut back to one vehicle
Buy generic brand products
Clip coupons
Car Pool
Make your own bread and other baked goods
Do your own manicures
Creating a budget
Be Realistic- Contrary to what you may think, stay at home moms are extremely busy. Children demand a lot of attention. Obviously, you and your children will be spending more time at home than you were before. The laundry will inevitably pile up, so will the dishes. There are appointments to keep, errands to run, groceries to buy, and events to attend. Kids always need to eat, and then there's that family time thing, the reason why you wanted to stay home in the first place. You will find yourself wondering how you ever had enough time for everything when you worked full time.
Identity Crisis- How much of your identity comes from your career? Will you feel ashamed to go from "Nurse Nancy" to "Mom"? Can you find other ways to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mother?
Lonliness- Like other stay at home moms, you may find that you are lonely. Moms who stay home could go days without seeing a familiar face, besides their spouse. Those who are by nature, introverts will more than likely adjust to the life of a stay at home mom without difficulty. Moms who are very social may find themselves lonely or depressed, and even resentful of their mate who works full time.
Moms who require more social interaction should plan to create a support system of friends and family. Organizing play dates, becoming a member of the P TA, getting a gym membership or taking an evening enrichment class are just a few ideas to help keep social moms stimulated.
Less Alone Time- Just because a lot of stay at home moms become lonely, doesn't mean they are alone. Moms of younger children may find it difficult to use the bathroom without an audience.
Circle of Friends- Some at home mothers find that their circle of friends change after they make the transition. Parents who work full time have a hard time relating to those who stay at home with their children. As a stay at home mom, you might feel disconnected from working parents as well.
Beginning And End To Your Day- Parents who work typically have a defined beginning and end to their days. They get up at 6am to get everyone where they need to go, and when they come home, they eat dinner and put the kids to bed. Stay at home moms find that their routine changes frequently. Suddenly, when your child is sick, you are the on-call baby sitter. There is no more lunch break or fifteen minute breather. When the kids are finally asleep, it's time to clean up the days messes. Staying at home with your children is a 24 hour job.
Discipline- Child rearing is perhaps one of the least favorite aspects of parenting, but someone has to do it. Since you will not be counting on your child care provider to do this for you, you will need to decide how comfortable you are with it. We all know that a child left to himself will disgrace his mother, and we can't have that!
A Thankless Job- Many working parents hold jobs where rewards and appreciation are commonplace. Can you do without the monthly award ceremonies and thank you cards? Sometimes being a stay at home mom seems like the most thankless job in the universe. You may find yourself feeling unappreciated because your family becomes oblivious to all that you do for them every day. You don't always get a "thanks, mom". How important is instant gratification to you?
Arguments over who works more- Many stay at home parents find themselves in discussions about who works more. The full time worker is carrying the weight of the entire households financial stress on their shoulders. At the same time, Mom is running an entire household. Her job is 24/7 and at times when she feels unappreciated and wants a break, Dad may not be excited about watching the children because he has worked all day. How will you handle this?
Support From Spouse, Parents, and In-Laws- The fact is, you will find yourself more exhausted than you've ever been. You will need a break from your spouse and children. You may also want time alone with your partner. Since finances will be crunched, you won't always want to hire a sitter. This is why the support of your spouse, parents and in laws is crucial, when they are available.
Resentment Of Working Parents- The demands placed on a mom are truly over whelming. You will likely find yourself wondering how you ever thought that working full time was busier than staying home with your kids. You may even find yourself envious and resentful of working parents who have the "privilege" of going to work each day. Your point of view of someone who works may change so much that you begin to think of the drive to work as alone time.
Emotions- Anger, guilt, frustration, confusion, fear, inadequacy and losing your sense of direction are just some of the emotions you might experience as you make the transition to stay home with your children. Accessing your support system will be critical in keeping your mental state healthy as you deal with the adjustment. How will you keep your emotions in check?
Remember, whatever decision you make, it has to be right for you and your family. In most cases, your decision to stay home or work is not a life sentence. A stay at home mom can always go back to work if it proves to be too much. At the same time, a working mom can almost always make the transition to staying home. For some families, the transition to staying at home to raise the children is not a voluntary job. In this economy, many parents are finding themselves unemployed. The does not mean that considering the above points is in vain. You will still face most of these issues regardless of the reason why. Finally, try to stay positive. Keep your communication with your partner open and honest, and try to be understanding of each other as much as possible.
Jeta Connor is a stay at home mom to three children who works in the home part time as a freelance writer and artist. She has been happily married to her middle school sweet heart for 6 years. They share a home near the beautiful coast line of Maine.
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